a reading from the book of phil

The track meet.

Thoughts run through my head like a track meet. Some are quick thoughts that are over in a matter of seconds while others can last much longer. Each one is different than the previous, but at the time it is part of something much greater than itself. The sound of the gun is the ripping I feel in my stomach before each thought. No matter how well you anticipate that gun shot you always jump. This is the longest, most tiring track meet of my life. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even care who wins, I’m just so drained from every single event. All I know is that I can’t wait for this track meet to be over.

When I think about you.

The second that the thought of you crosses my mind, and all of the memories and feelings involved unleash all at once, I get this feeling. This feeling is no knot or flip in my stomach. This feeling is stronger than that, and it scares me. It’s a pain i can’t explain in words. It’s as if my heart is aware of what is going on in my life and is attempting to rip itself out and trace its way back to you. As if my heart knows what it is missing and is determined to find you. My body was not meant to feel this way and I’m to blame for all of this, but I can’t go on living this way.

No one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.